Money or Dream?

Two days ago, I was chatting with a friend when he mentioned that most of the time, you have to give up your dream to earn money for a living. I kinda gave some thoughts to that issue for these few days. Somehow, it seems so true. Maybe it's true for many of you out there. .. It could be true for me as well.

I grew up believing that my dreams are never too far out of my reach. Honestly, they aren't so great. I want to become a teacher. An English Lit teacher. And I wana teach in African villages. Do something for the refugees, the children etc etc there. I wana have a farmhouse of my own, have a happy family living together with me there and doing God's will. Nothing too complicated for me. No gigantic mansions, private islands and jets, million of diamonds and those glorious things.

Now I'm starting to wonder. Maybe for someone like me who doesn't need to support anyone but herself, it's ok. But for someone who will need to support and feed a family, it might not be ok. If it is so, then life is truly unfair. How can I pursue my passion in literature when someone who has the same passion needs to sacrifice that dream to become a boring banker? Life is really full of oddities.

Think of it from this point of view. When you're 60, will u regret more if u have not shown your children the real values of life or if u have not gained enough money to send them to the best universities in the world? when you're 70, will u regret more if all your loved ones have left u to make more money or if you cannot save enough to buy a tiffany diamond ring for your wife?

=yingoying=

Hooi Chin-Buci Bday celeb. Crazy nite!

Uncertainties...

It's been 2 days since the play ended. I am relieved of course. No more rehearsals, no more studying the play, no more thinking of the movements and etc etc. I am finally at peace and have time to do things I have wanted to do for such a long time. I even went to catch Confession of a Shopaholic Baby at cineleisure just now. It's awesome having such freedom to watch such an entertaining movie. But somehow, it feels rather odd. Suddenly, it seems like I'm so unused to the idea of not having to worry about who will turn up for the rehearsals, where to hold em', whether the props are done or not, our fund for the whole production and etc etc. The feeling is so similar to how a mother feels when she is about to let go of her precious child who has grown up and is ready to set off to see the world. That feeling of having to let go of everything I've worked so hard for...

I guess it's just human nature. When we have something, we do not appreciate it much. But when we don't possess it anymore, we long for it more. These few months have been really hard on me- lotsa precious time sacrificed, strength turned to weakness, tears shed unceasingly, multiple heart-breaks and disappointments. But on the other hand, I learned a whole lot more than what I've lost through this experience. And along the way, I've grown fond of so many extraordinary people whom I'll be missing from now on. So many precious memories, yet so little time to hold on to them...

What will happen to me in the coming months? I have no idea. What will I do during the short break after the semester ends? Something meaningful, I hope. Will I continue to pursue my dreams at UM for another 2 years or so? Or should I let go of everything and start an adventure which I have anticipated for such a long time? What exactly do I want? What exactly is wanted of me?

=yingoying=

A brisk moment of letting go...

Yesterday, I went for an audition for a spot in the T4YP (Theater 4 Young People) at KLPAC. I prepared a 2min monologue from Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet and a shortpart of Scene 8 from Kuo Pao Kun's Descendant of the Eunuch Admiral for the audition. Mind you, I was well prepared. But the moment i stepped into the room and saw the grumpy faces of most of the judges, my mind blacked out. All my perfect shakespeare's lines just evaporated into thin air. It was a moment of pure humiliation. All the judges looked at me, impatiently waiting for me to go on, but I just gave up. But, the second piece, the contemporary piece was pretty ok. One of the judges said it's a good choice. Overall, it's an embarassing but interesting experience. One question asked by one of the judges stayed on my mind long after it was all over. Why are you here? i didn't really know the answer to that question. I mean, I was definitely there for the audition. Why else would I be there? For some reason after the audition, I realized that I might be there for a reason. All the while I was directing the production at uni, I kept on assuming that all the actors could memorize all their lines if they are determined enough, and there shouldn't be any problem for that. But after my moment of humiliation yesterday, I totally understood how it feels like acting out in front of a real audience. The moment you get up there, you will have to try hard to remember your lines and try to move in a way that will attract the audience. Furthermore, with the tensed atmosphere and sharp eyes looking at you, it's just impossible for you not to feel super duper nervous. Because of that sudden realization, I freaked out and decided to prettend that I could run away from the rest of the rehearsals and escape from everything. I even changed my FB status to "flee to singapore tomorrow" just to feel as if I could actually escape from everything. Yeppers. I was that desperate to flee. Just to feel that brisk moment of letting go is heaven...

But I deep inside that I can never just let go of everything. Even if I flee, I'll still worry about everything. What's the point of fleeing then? It will just be like Zheng He- a man with high status and everything money can buy, but no real freedom. I could flee to Bora-bora or just any deserted jungle in Africa, but my heart would still be here, worrying about every single thing of the play- how the lighting should be, when the music should start, whether all the props are there bla bla. But still, to fell that brisk moment of freedom...such pure ecstacy....

=yingoying=

Updates on Descendants of the Eunuch Admiral

Interested to watch the play? call 012-3819101 for more info!

Descendants of the Eunuch Admiral

The students of the Performance Strategy in the Western Theater of the University of Malaya will be presenting a play by Kuo Pao Kun titled Descendants of the Eunuch Admiral at Perdanasiswa, UM, on the 25th and 26th of March at 7pm. The same play will be staged on both days.

Descendants of the Eunuch Admiral tells the story of Zheng He or Cheng Ho, the famed Eunuch Admiral of the Ming dynasty. The play is a blend of little episodes of Zheng He's life and the true identity of a eunuch in the ancient China. Moving from Zheng He's castration to his attaining of fame, his adventures and explorations to his search for freedom, The Descendants of the Eunuch Admiral is a sophisticated, humorous, and thought-provoking work.

ATTN: Ideal for those searching for the missing parts of their lives.

Tickets sell at RM3 each. To obtain the tix, kindly contact 012-3819101 or email yingoying@gmail.com for more information. Get the tix ASAP before they are sold out and don't forget to invite your friends to tag along!

Dates: 25 and 26 March
Time: 7pm-9pm

Venue: Perdanasiswa, University of Malaya
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&hl=en&q=University+of+Malaya%2C+Jalan+Universiti%2C+PJ%2C+Petaling+Jaya%2C+Malaysia (map to Uni of Malaya)
http://www.um.edu.my/discover_um/find_us/campus_map.php?intPrefLangID=1& (map to Perdanasiswa at UM)

Phone:	60123819101
Email:	yingoying@gmail.com